Everybody has their little pet peeves and we are no exception. Our collective idiosyncrasy is a combination of lack of originality coupled with repetition. And what was the one thing on RAGBRAI that fulfilled those requirements? That damn Macarena song! Why didn't it stay in Miami where it belonged?After careful analysis of the moves, it seems that this dance was created by Satan. After all, he was the one that created the "Goosestep" and line dancing. The chart below illustrates each move (this is not an encouragement for you to learn it) and gives its body language interpretation.
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| Go Grease Lightning (This is not bad) |
Bow down to me | Give me money |
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| Give me all of your money or... |
I'll strangle you | The darn thing has wings! |
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| Forcing you down | Air your pits | Decapitate a statue of Erin Moren |
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| Rent x-rated films | Think you're better than everyone else |
Know you're better than everyone else |
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| Shake off the last drop |
Assume the position | Turn to worship in a new direction |
New lyrics for that fucking song:
The Masturbata (by Adam Sandler)
(sung to tune of the Macaraena)
Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse its the one with Sharon Stona.
Hey Masturbata!!
I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
Hey Masturbata!!
I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where its beena
Hey Masturbata!!
I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the other's on my meata.
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seata.
Hey Masturbata!
Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata,
choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata.
I've looked at Ms. November now I'n gonna decorate her.
Hey Masturbata!
Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makinga.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.
Hey Masturbata!