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Fun Quotes

21st Century bits of Wisdom

  • "Jesus likes pie. Probably" sign along the road
  • "The day a Martini arrests me is the day I turn into a Christian." Team Bad Boy
  • "I got some hummers here." Lisa Flanagan (one of the owners of Hamilton's Pub on why she wouldn't put on the Martini shirt we gave her)
  • Exchange on the pre-ride
    • "Hey watcha doin' later tonight?" Brad Daggett of Mystery Machine
    • "I'm fifteen and I'm grounded." young unavailable girl
  • "I wanna go with you. Take me with you." younger girl "No! Stay home! There are a lot of freaks out there!" older girl
  • "I am now 57% gay." Rick (after seeing a woman flash who should not be flashing...ever)
  • Conversation at the Goose Lake Tap:
    • "That bag of chips is just salt." Barb
    • "I'll eat it." Steve
    • "What won't Steve eat?" Rick
    • "Me." Heidi
  • "I went to my first dildo party last weekend. Some of those things are scary." Shea
  • "There will be no drinking shots out of my crotch tonight." T (as opposed to the night prior inaugural Chickenman Ride)
  • Would've loved to have had the chance to hang out with the 2003 version of Martini. I like to think of it as Teamartiny!" Heather Myer (Team Mystery Machine) after learning that our team was only Laurie and Rick
  • "I was going to give you a hand but it looks like you have a two-hand unit." Ray (after trying to help Rick move his bike out of the van)
  • "Thirty miles to the first bar...that's bullshit!" Unknown rider on Sunday morning (2001 route out of Sioux City)
  • "That's not a beer gut, that's my liver." Sandy
  • "Would anybody like my open bush?" Krystal (Team Die Hard driver)
  • "How do you spell 'Ho'?" Michelle
  • "Ninety-two miles my ass!" Merilee (Team Die Hard)
  • "Come and pose with us or we'll make you pour out your beers" Williamsburg police officer
  • "Welcome to RAGBRAI, the fastest way to end a relationship" Rick "Or start a new one." Heidi
Oldies, but Goodies from the 20th Century
  • "With all my broken spokes, I had to get a rim job to the tune of around $50." Chris
  • "According to my elevation chart this hill does not exist." Rick
  • "You know I sleep commando." Bryan (after Davis from Die Hard told him that she needed to crash in his tent)
  • "I would rather take it up the butt than take Calculus." April Smith (Team Pink Floyd) after finding out that Rick was a Calculus teacher
  • "Memo to self: Sell bike." Chris Byers (one day rider with us)
  • "I don't have a butthole." Steve
  • "Suck it, don't squeeze it." Laurie
  • "Rick, will you put that Tylenol in your purse." Dave Davis (friend of the team)
  • "Have you ever had to pee in a Folders can?" Person camping next to us
  • "Do you see how duct tape could have saved Rome." Laurie
  • "Want wet?" Some 'neck kid with a hose
  • "There was meat between Heidi's breasts." Rick
  • "Steve and Heidi were in their cocksucking mode." Laurie
  • "I want something salty and greasy." Steve "Heidi's right over there." Laurie
  • "Thank you for visiting Sodom & Gomorrah." Bryan
  • "I specifically left a 2 pm wake up call." Bryan
  • "The blowjob at the bar was the final straw." Aaron Comer (Team Diehard)
  • "So how did you do to train for RAGBRAI?" Craig (Team B.A.R.T.) "I switched to regular Budweiser." Bryan
  • "I shot that goddam thing myself" Todd (speaking of the buffalo in the buffalo burgers)
  • "Linda ate an omlette the size of a cat." Damian
  • "Linda, why aren't you fat?" Steve
  • "Fuck whitey!" Our entire team