|Saturday - Omaha to Sioux Center - Russ = three 32 oz. beers on trip up - Bryan = 1.5 hours with the ugly tent - Meet Tom Arnold and my nuts swell - No need to worry, we'll find our team - Beer tent = +1 to dick count - Overnight rain (not another year!)
Sunday - Sioux Center to Sibley - 66 miles/18 beers = 3.67 mpb - Free bibles and oranges - Trailer trash and crappy music in Archer - Free beer along the route - Pay for cool showers (only time this week) - Ice truck leaving at 8:00 - Flag boy - "Mary" across the road (5 minute sicko) - Darcy becomes the first overnight guest, +1 to boob count - "Say no to drugs" frisbee filled with pipe and weed (this is the start of DRUGBRAI and put things in Rick's tent/bag or on him)
Monday - Sibley to Estherville - 56 miles/24 beers = 2.33 mpb - Earl: hot individual showers, personal driver, coffee and rolls in the morning, swills 'em with the best of us, Round-Up is not Diazanon - Martini fixings bought - $3 pillows (when you have an overnight guest, you need another pillow) - Damian and Laurie getting "low" in a field - Deanne becomes the second tent guest, +1 to married woman count, +1 to up 'til 5:00 a.m. count
Tuesday - Estherville to Lake Mills - 86 miles/13 beers = 6.62 mpb - Great grub at Dale's Place - Chris and I hammer - Chris uses sock for other purpose - Damian and Laurie scam a house with warm showers and free Shaklee products - Lucky and Dingo - Dudes rolling joint on our table at bar - It looks like Jay Herman is getting lucky
Wednesday - Lake Mills to Charles City - 69 miles/20 beers = 3.45 mpb - We all did 150 miles - The team that rides together gets free pie together - Best ride of the week - James Dean lives and is still smoking - Linda has a Nazi beer - Bryan becomes a contender for "Fart King" - Linda actually eats meat - Bob and Ramona, who's going to grab the ax first? - Can't drink in the park in Charles City - Ann wants to feel my liver - Fireworks
Thursday - Charles City to Cresco - 50 miles/12 beers = 4.17 mpb - "Headwind Thursday" - Dinosaur eggs at the American Legion - First contact with Team Wimpy - Schley (shlay, shlee, shly) the town with no shade and dirty old bras - Second contact with Team Wimpy - More of that damn "Strokin" song - Dennis' house with lots of junk, but the fourth straight day of hot showers - Heidi joins the group - Heidi stickers Tom Arnold - I pass the one keg mark (82.6 twelve-ounce beers) - Darcy comes to camp and holds out her bag when Dennis comes out to see us - Darcy becomes the third overnight guest, +1 to boob count, +1 to up 'til 5:00 a.m. count - Heidi gets totally plowed - Laurie gets awakened by "noises"
Friday - Cresco to Fayette - 55 miles/22 beers = 2.50 mpb - 50 cent beers in Hawkeye - big ass ear of corn - spending too much time drinking in Randalia - naked beer slides, +1 dick count and +1 boob count - share yard with other teams - beer 100 - wait in line for warm shower = more Olympic fever - coed showers to save time, +1 boob count - Make martinis and gain even more friends - Hear Tom Arnold sing (leave beer garden immediately) - $11 for glass of vodka - Drink with Team Wimpy again - Drop pants in front of a church
Saturday - Fayette to Guttenburg - 52 miles/28 beers = 1.86 mpb - Three non-towns - Bumps so big, grapes fly out of my bag - Heidi's on the road then on the rag - Bryan stickers the "Beef Queen" and asserts himself as the "Sticker King" - Great tacos in Elkader - Linda has beef again - The two mile hill - 40+ mph downhills - Meet us in the beer tent - We'll just find Les (reaffirm disorganization) - Dave will eventually show up - Meatcake!!! - Scare the Bubba's out of the lesbian bar - $4 pitchers - $3.33 pitchers - $0 pitchers - 23 pitchers before closing - "It's not that kind of bar" - Talk 'til dawn, +1 to the up 'til 5:00 a.m. count - Final beer total: 137