|Problems Lead to Solutions
||Crisman Farm Big Hit
|Knoxville, IA - Even though they knew about the potential problems before the ride began, Teamartini did not know how it was going to solve the Kiddy Loop Crisis. The solution had to accommodate the Trailer Return Fixed Variable, the Equipment Swapping Matrix and the Finite Bungie Theorem. After hours of topological research, the team sent Bryan into town to get the Team Pump Factor. By nightfall a solution was reached and all parties involved were satisfied.
||Knoxville, IA - After a day with a lot of headwind, what is better than seeing the watertower of the overnight town and knowing that you're only about five or six miles from the end of the day? How about when you see that tower and you are only five of six feet from your overnight stop. That's what happened with Teamartini Wednesday. Phil Crisman, an old college chum of some of the team members, played host to the crew. The team was so happy to be at a house that enjoyed knocking back some beers, especially after being in Pella, the land of no bars. A number of other bikers stopped by while the team did it's favorite thing, drinking on a driveway. Dual citizen Sandy dropped by and finished blowing up the Nazi Beer chair (picture above). The chair and inflatable safety helmet were later given to the Crisman children as tokens of thanks. The boys from Pastafari stopped by for some directions and strawberries. Linda forced the traveling chefs to give her one of their t-shirts because she lost the one that was given to her that night.
|Mother Nature...You Bitch
|The National Weather Service out of Des Moines, IA has just released a Severe Shitty Advisory for central Iowa today. Look for rain to start long enough for riders to put on rain gear and then it will stop so that the rain gear now becomes a personal sauna. The wind will also continue all day from the south, except for when it comes out of the east. The direction will depend on which way your bike is faced. For those bikers who decide to hit the road early in the morning, expect some hail to greet you on the ride. You will deserve it as no one needs to be biking at 6:00 in the fucking morning.
|Editorial: That's Not a Town
||Today's Naughty Bits and Pieces
|After four days of riding this year, I have found a new person to despise. You might think that I'm talking about the moron who made the one and only tape for the Team Diego bus, but I'm not. I'm referring to the map genius at the Des Moines Register. There have already been seven "towns" on the maps that didn't exist. Non-towns as it were. A grain elevator does not count as a town. Stop giving us bikers false hopes. When I see that it's only 9.3 miles to the next town and think that that would be a good place to stop for lunch only to discover that the town is a railroad crossing then I naturally get bent. Then I look at my map and see I have to go another 18.2 miles with next to no water and an empty stomach. How about we agree on one simple rule: A town is not a town without an operating bar and grill. That seems fair enough to me and most of the riders I know. Thank you for your time.
- Mitchellville - The jump suits those chicks were wearing were hot.
- Lambs Grove and Newton - Thanks for the free ice cream sandwiches, popcicles and bottled water. I'm still not getting rid of my Whirlpool appliances.
- Pella - Thanks for being the worst last town before the overnight town. The Casey's on the way out of town was the place to be.
- When the team puts it's mind to it, it can eat and drink everything in the cooler.
- When the team fails in eating and drinking everything in the cooler it's good that Phil is there to accept food and alcohol donations.
- How did Bryan do it? Got back to camp at 2:15 a.m. and still managed to get up by 6:00 a.m.