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Monday, July 24, 2000 Volume 9. Issue 3

Team H.A.R.D. Saves Distressed Biker New Items Found on Bike
Rick with his saviors
Elk Horn, IA - After pulling numerous bikers up hills and through the headwind, stereo-toting Rick had to pull off the road when loud sounds started emanating from his rear hub. He coaxed his wounded bike into Elk Horn, but the repair specialists could do nothing for him. Knowing that he needed some transportation his team's hookup town, Rick went in search of team with a bus. Stopping first at Team Dennis, who has helped out and partied with Martinis before, he presented his case. "Basically they told me to fuck off because I didn't have tits," Rick said. Feeling down and stranded he went up the hill to Team H.A.R.D.'s bus. They were more than willing to help the biker in need. They even started feeding him beers. Short trips down farmer back roads, where roller coaster rides obviously got their start, added to the excitement on the full bus. In Anita the journey ended, but the memories and gratitude will last forever.

Rick adds: Hope you can get that bike stereo built.
Harlan, IA - Rick woke to find some new items on his bike. In his stereo bag there was a copy of The Best of Clarence Carter featuring Strokin'. What kind of cruel joke was this? Everyone knows about Rick's, and the team's for that matter, hatred of that song. The desire to throw the worthless CD into the compost heap was lost when it was decided that the Budweiser Bus or Team Diego would probably buy it because of their desire to play bad music.
Offensive Item

The second item on the bike was a Barbie bell with bonus weed holder. The holder turned out to be the best addition to the bike as it will hold about 10 Tums tablets.

The following riders are held responsible for the items:
  • CD - Linda
  • Barbie ringer - Bryan
Tramp O Land to Open
Anita, IA - Tramps from all over converged in Vodka Man's front yard on Monday. The desire to show off their trampiness transformed otherwise sedate riders into jumpin'-pumpin' queens. How to Ho a House
Greenfield, IA - Faced with small town and no contacts, the Mothership of Teamartini used her ho-ing abilities to find the team a house. Spying a Die Hard banner, Laurie sweet talked her way into a spot on the neighboring yard. As it turns out, Team Die Hard picked up camp early and went to find their riders Adair. (see story below)
Today's Naughty Bits and Pieces Team Die Hard Splinters
  • Rear hub out = New back rim
  • Host Carol's son likes it when hot young women ask for a place to camp
  • A wooden jungle gym makes for a fun fort
  • You can have a sleep-over in your fort...unless it rains
  • Homemade turkey salad is quite the hit
  • Mullets still popular in small town Iowa (see photo right)
  • Even charming people like Bryan and Davis can't get beer after 2:00 a.m. from respectable sources...thank you Arva and CO2 for keeping those two intoxicated
  • Overnight rain doesn't flood anyone's tent
Greenfield, IA - A day of hills and headwind (there was no hail) caused some members of Die Hard (Martini's sister team) to take an alternate route and camp in Adair. The shortcut took miles off today's and tomorrow's route. Jana decides to defect to Team Evil for the rest of the ride (she likes RAGBRAI, she just doesn't like biking). Davis decides to stay in Greenfield and get even drunker. She'll drive herself, trade bait Bryan and dual citizen Sandy up to Adair in the morning. Hopefully she'll be sober by then.