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Saturday, July 29, 2000 Volume 9. Issue 8

Worse Fucking Music...Ever! Free Old Style is Still Free Beer

Mediapolis, IA - Fed up with their playing of the "same fucking tape" over and over again, Martini Steve let his feelings be known to all. Other bikers came by and congratulated Steve on expressing what everyone else was thinking: Team Diego sucks major league ass!
Outside Kingston, IA - With the RAGBRAI planners putting two imaginary towns before the end of this year's ride, a local farmer on Highway 99 hauled out numerous coolers and stocked them with cold nutritious Old Style. Liver hating folks like NAD Marsha (above left) and Martinis Heidi and Steve (above right) turned out and filled their alcohol empty bellies with what the midlanders like to call Dog Style. To top off the whole afternoon, the family created the week's largest waterslide (left). Since there were children present, and trade bait Bryan wasn't, all slide participants were clothed.
Camaraderie Under the Sun Die Hard Member Beaten

Mediapolis, IA - Upon entering the town, riders were greeted by a fellow biker bearing beer. Not just regular beer, good micro-brews. Martinis Heidi, Steve and Rick thought this could be one of the best stops on the ride. Then the awful truth came out, this man wanted to turn a big profit off of fellow bikers. A definite break from the true RAGBRAI spirit. Steve commented, "What a fucking cocksucker! Bet he drinks shit beer when it's free." The three ventured into town and found a better group of people: Teams CO2, Haze, Mystery Machine and Fish. They all sat around in non-capitalist fashion and downed beers by the iced caseload.
Mount Union, IA - Team Die Hard member Wes was treated and released today for severe toe trauma. Although the patient was reluctant to talk, it was clear from the facial expressions and what Wes didn't say that the injury was caused by people he knew and trusted. It is widely believed that in an attempt to keep Wes from defecting to Teamartini, the elders of Die Hard are using fear and torture to keep the man-boy they call Grasshopper in their cult.
Martini Times Picture Puzzle Wall of Water Helps Clean Team

Circle correct answer		 Burlington, IA - In what onlookers could only describe as a "wall of water," provided members of Teams Angry and Bad Boy with cheap all-natural showers. "What the hell, we were stinky, the water was refreshing and I like exposing my cock," stated Angry Jim.

Teams Finish Ride in Traditional Fashion - Dipping and Drinking Today's Naughty Bits and Pieces
Burlington, IA - After a grueling week of hills, headwind, broken spokes/ hubs/ chains/ spirits, groping and beer, Teams Angry and Martini find their way to the end of the ride. Angry which earlier in the day saved Bryan, had coolers filled with tasty brews for the late arriving Martinis. The team then did a group dip in the Mississippi. There were no lines to wait in as the city officials decided that the town needed to start shutting down at 3:00 in the afternoon. We're positive that the weasels at the Register had something to do with that.
  • Rick gets to drive Laurie's bug in the morning and gets nice looks and comments
  • Laurie does have a nice rack
  • Could the Register hide the vehicle route markers any more?
  • Thanks to Dor from Pump for the hot breakfast
  • Egg attacks Rick's shorts right where "it" hangs - try explaining that type of stain
  • Mount Union - a good place to change clothes and reassemble a stereo
  • Mount Union - a bad place to get beer and food
  • Mount Union - a good place to smell weed drifting out of the Haze bus
  • Mount Union - a bad place for Bryan's bike
  • Thanks to Team Angry for not being assholes like Team Dennis
  • It was all downhill to Burlington, except for that mile hill that had Laurie at the top
  • Steve and Rick can down a box of Teddy Grahams without being stoned
  • Moby blaring is the best way to end the ride
  • Great buffet; free, albeit ugly, t-shirts; numerous pitchers are best way to ride out wall of water
  • Mitty may have had a few beers at the reunion, but she saved room for one with us
  • Pump happy once again to be hanging with us - more indoor sleeping arrangements
Mitty and Dudley Make Everyone Feel at Home
Burlington, IA - Mitty and Dudley Billups made members of Teamartini and Pump feel like family Saturday night. With their sons gone for the evening, Rick was able to sleep in the Christina Aguilera suite, Heidi and Laurie in the Heidi Klum suite and Steve in the sports suite.