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Monday - Lake View to Fort Dodge
Lake View - The Morning

Rick's colon is now waking him up in the 4:00a hour. The Mohrhausers, nice folks that they are, have the house open, coffee on and plenty of toilet paper. It's probably because Kenneth had to go work the breakfast feed at the church. Why are riders up and eating that damn earlier. The good thing about being up early is that you can charge your iPod and battery in the van. Guess Laurie and Heidi weren't expecting that early wake-up van light. It's not like they were getting any sleep in there. With the early ups you know we're going to be leaving town with the hammers. Wrong again. There wasn't much hemming, but a little extra hawing kept us in town until Ken got back after breakfast was closed down.

Rockwell City

30.7 miles until the first town. That's bullshit! The best way to tone down the BS level is very few hills, no head wind, cool temperatures and an awesome draft line. The first town is also the official lunch town. Just where in the Sam Hill is the food. The town square is chock full of great smells. Since this was RAGouge the sniffs were only 50-cents each. Now where are solids that created these saliva-producing odors? The last time we checked, lunch didn't end at fucking noon. Maybe our good friends at the AmVets will help us. With Miller products, helped us they did. Don't even think about leaving the sauna inside. No open container. Rockwell City does not rock. The rumor about town is that the beer garden has Maid Rites. How will we find it? "It's at the end of town. Just look for the signs." The picture to the right was real helpful. "If we make it real hard to find they will want it more." Judging by the size of the crowd that little bit psychology was not a winner. We're able to direct Babs in close. Let's just hope she keeps that cell phone off and tucked away. Steve, Heidi and Rick hope that the fact that their bikes are way back in town doesn't leave the wrong signal for Laurie and Chris. Everyone will meet up okay. This isn't Ireland.


The ride to the non-town of Knierim is made pleasant by the "Cover Up Your Meow Meow" playlist. A huge draft line seems to like all of the cover tunes. Then there was that couple on the tandem. "Turn that shit off!" How many times does "Blowin' in the Wind" get that kind of response? Only once, but you have to be a h(p)ippy-hating, right-wing redneck bastard on a tandem. Hope he gets to the Bud Bus soon. They are only on their fifth playing of the day of their 23 songs. A big stereo like that and all they have is one CD they burned before leaving shitville. Nice little party going on in the town park in Knierim. That wasn't a park, that was the town. What they lacked in buildings they made up for in mannequins in fire fighter outfits. Is Heidi really trying to ho a fixing of the bike computer?


Riding to the next to last town didn't take too long. Finally a stretch under fifteen miles. On the way into town Babs is hanging out with Johnny Law. She's either turning in her teammates or finding the team a house. Either way they're sleeping indoors tonight. Liz Coppinger may not know what her son is getting her into. In Barnum you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a team bus. What you might be able to hit would be that girl taking a leak over there. Just because the group you're with can't see you doesn't mean the people standing in the open ten yards behind you can't. A good party crowd, but you can't leave the porch with your drink. According to the DJ it's not the State Patrol's fault that the music has to stop. Fault. We were thinking about making them honorary Martinis. The Marsha sightings are becoming daily occurrences and she's drunker each subsequent time. Break from motherhood achieved.

Fort Dodge

The ride to the overnight town would have been a lot shorter if they didn't include that five-mile around town.trip. Why didn't we just go through the barricade and cut across town? The extra mileage is worth it when we get to Liz's magnificent house. The garage was larger than Laurie's condo. Inside there is casserole, pie, cookies and hot individual showers. The triple-SH is achieved by a few. In order to keep the NASCAR grill from becoming a swirly item, Babs grills up some burgers and chicken. She could have made $32 downtown with that $5 worth of meat. The other family sharing the house is very nice and worthy of some schwag. A good way to thank your host is show her how to resize digital photos to send more quickly over a dial-up. After the team is cleansed it is time to head down to the city. Babs is a little tired and decided to hang back (and give some more computer help to Liz). Downtown is loaded with Johnny Law and Johnny Paco. It looks like he already is involved in a RAGBRAI wedding. The group makes its way down to O'Goodies Pub (not sure if that is a traditional Irish name). Ray is there and he's sticker-happy. To complete the theme of the day, no drinks are allowed outside so the beer garden will have to do. Sir Elton was wrong, Monday night is alright for fighting. What the hell is up with that door? Why is Laurie trying to be a middle-aged Mexican man? A cute young blond thing likes Rick's braids. Too bad he's not on FuckBRAI this year or someone else on the team would be chauffeuring. As the team heads back to warm, comfortable sleeping arrangements they can only encourage the local law enforcement to start busting the skulls of the teenage LT covering the street.

TeaMartini is Team America Do we have everything? Multiple coolers, fifth of vodka, tub of Little Debbies and a giant plastic thing that won't close so all of its contents spill out non-stop
Nothing but the best food all week Or is it? This is why Taco Bell keeps their back door closed
One chick... ...two chicks...
...cramping Rick... ...door
When morphing works Chris face 1
Chris face 2 Chris face 3
Separated at birth? We told Heidi to leave Lucy at home. Damn shrinking ray.
Look at these grumpy fuckers. Make them happy with your mouse.